(none) #8
[27 April, 2005 typed at 10:59 a.m.]

i've been wanting to update here for a while, yesterday i was racking my brain over it, but was never in the right frame of mind until now, im guessing maybe it's because i have the time, maybe it's because i dont feel like let it spoil my brain!
and i dont even know where it's coming from, maybe it's a jealousy thing, maybe it's because i have to realise for myself, and the only way to realise is to write it down for my own eyes to see....
i've been thinking about the world being equal, sometimes in the way we all wish it would be, and sometimes in the way, just so we could all get along - people not being born into rich families, people not being born into poor ones.....
the second the baby is born, it's classified into life, maybe it's family is wealthy and maybe it's family is not.....
i wasnt born into a poor family, but nor was it rich, and i couldnt chose that (im already lost in this entry.....im failing to see what my point was!)
we are getting to chose other peoples outcome in life, what ever we do as ourselves personally, has already been affected by what kind of family we've been born into. What if the world needed more doctors, and a baby that is born while im writing IS the next great doctor, but is born into a poor family, will never have enough money for text book, or collage......what, we just wait for the next rich baby to be born that wants to be a doctor, but just buys it's way into the field?
this has to be just a me thing, maybe with the job i have im just thinking overly WAY too much, thinking about any shit that pops in my head and making a huge deal out of it!

i might have found a place out richmond hill way to live, which would be nice a litt e bit far away, but nice, to go to work (ewwww) and come back to a place thats mine, with my things, and no pink, flower trimmed walls......this is an upside, why am i treating it (and other things coming my way) like downsides, why am i not living up life, why am i being such a lurker and content with sitting in the dark?
im 22 in (just now) less then two months, shit!
i have to start getting my act together, so my peers think more highly of me, so my girlfriend thinks more of me, so i dont feel like such a failuer at every turn......maybe, just maybe this is the year i will grow up!

away + towards